Nothing. You don’t need to fix your emotions. You don’t need to solve or change them in any way. Emotions are inputs from our brain that informs us about a specific need that we have that is not being met.
However, somehow we get this notion that we are not supposed to feel whatever we are feeling. More specifically, we are not supposed to feel anger, sadness, loneliness and shame. Actually, we believe a normal and healthy human being should only feel happiness, contentment and love, all the time.
When these emotions come up we try to control them, to make them go away. We try to ignore them or eliminate them. And how? Sometimes we try to push them away and we don’t allow them to be present. We distract ourselves from these emotions: we go out with friends, we drink some beers, we watch a movie, etc.
Other times we try so hard to solve them that we actually start feeding them. We grab on to them and don’t let them go because we use our amazing deductive and rational skills to resolve this episode, which is clearly a “problem”. We ask ourselves why aren’t we normal? What is wrong with us? Why do we always feel like this? And what can we do to not feel like this? And through all of this inquiry process we exacerbate the emotion and may even create new ones like frustration, sadness or even disappointment towards ourselves.
But are emotions a problem? Something that needs to be fix?
Well, no. Emotions are related to our needs and they motivate us to perform a specific action (e.g., go away, talk to someone, be aggressive, etc.) in order to suppress that need. They are temporary because everything that has the ability to appear also has the ability to disappear. If we just notice them without trying to control them they will eventually fade away.
In that sense, there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. Both love and anger are valuable emotions. The emotion of anger is the manifestation of what is happening inside of you and it signals you that your rights or someone else rights (with whom you identify yourself with) are not being respected. However, you can feel anger and not behave in an angry way. When you become aware of it you can choose what to do. You can choose to not feed the anger and to act compassionately towards that situation. So what you feel and the way you act or behave are two different things.
Therefore, there is a different way to be with your emotions that doesn’t involve control. On the contrary. You can just sit down, observe the stage where all the emotions perform and be aware and mindful of them. You can notice them as they appear, evolve and eventually disappear. As if you were observing something that is outside of you – the natural course of an external phenomenon.
And in this space you separate yourself from the emotion. You are aware of it but you don’t see the situation through the emotion. You can be conscious about the situation, about your needs, feelings and motivations that are arising and still have the mental space to choose how to respond and what to do now. There is freedom in this process since emotions are not the ones who dictate what you do. You are.
That’s it. You don’t need to fix or solve your emotions. You can just let them breathe.